Friendships

8 Tips on How to Maintain Friendships with Child-Free Friends after Giving Birth10 min read

Since having my little one, I’ve noticed that my friendships with child-free friends have been a bit more challenging to maintain. It’s not that we don’t want to see each other, but finding the time and energy to get together is proving to be more difficult than ever before. 

 

And I bet I’m not the only one who has had a tough time having a social life after having a baby. As a new mum, you might find it necessary to make a few changes to keep your social life alive.

 

But does that mean all hope is lost when it comes down to your old friendships? No way! While adapting after becoming a mum can feel daunting at times, there are ways around this so you can still maintain healthy relationships with your pals who don’t have children yet.

 

If you’d like to know how to keep your friendships alive postpartum, keep reading to discover 8 tips to maintain your besties post-childbirth.

 

Are you ready?

 

Let’s get to it.

Tip 1: Be Authentic About Your Challenges And Priorities Right Now

Before you had a child, your friendships were a little bit different. You probably had more time to do what you wanted and not as many responsibilities. 

 

Maybe you used to go out for lunch or brunch every week or the usual girls’ night out on a Wednesday. But now that you’re a mum, your priorities have changed, and so have you.

 

If you’re trying to maintain contact with people who don’t have kids yet, try being more authentic about how your life has changed since becoming a mum. Let them know what challenges you’re facing in managing friendships at the moment because of your new role as a mum.

 

You might be surprised at how understanding they are about what’s going on in your life. 

Tip 2: Check-In On Your Old Pals When You Can

Yes, you read that right. And probably right now, you’re thinking, “Shouldn’t my friends be the ones checking in on me? I’m the one who just had a baby.” 

 

And as true as that is. You need to make an effort as well to maintain your friendships. When you find a break from changing diapers, wiping spit-up, and falling asleep at the most random places, get your phone out and send your pal a quick text to know how they’re doing.

 

By reaching out to your besties once in a while, you’re showing them that you still care about them and you still want to be friends. 

Many friendships fall through the cracks when one party has a child. Yours doesn’t have to be a statistic as well, but an exception. 

 

And yes, I know how exhausted you are from taking care of a child, and the last thing you need on your mind is the stress of maintaining your old friendships. But in all honesty, you can’t expect your buddies to be the only ones making an effort to keep your friendship alive.

 

It’s essential you chip in as well, and it can be as easy and simple as sending a text twice a week and a short phone call once in a while. 

Tip 3: Let Your Friends Know What You Need

Your friends can be a great support system if only you allow them to be. There is no point why you’d be trying to do everything on your own, when you can call your pals, and they’ll show up for you.

 

The key here is to be specific on how you want your pals to help. Your friends can come around and babysit while you nap, or they can help deliver groceries or even batch cook healthy meals to last you a week.

 

Awesome, right?

 

Apart from helping with household chores and running errands, your girls would be the perfect outlet to vent your frustrations whenever you feel overwhelmed with motherhood.

 

And the exciting thing about amazing friendships is that you won’t feel shy about asking them to help.

 

So, if you have a couple of buddies (or one) in your social circle, give them a call and ask them to come around and lend a hand.  Your friends can be great support and company post-birth, even if it’s just to talk about absolutely nothing – and that’s okay too.

Tip 4: Don’t Take It Personally If They Can’t Always Be There.

When you’re at home taking care of a newborn, it’s easy to assume that your child-free friends are out there living their best lives, ignoring your calls or invitations.

 

But the truth is that people have commitments. And just because you have a child doesn’t mean your pals will be available all the time to come over or meet. That’s just the hard truth you’ll have to accept.

 

As you’re trying to keep your sanity afloat after a tough night with a newborn, your friends have their struggles and hardships as well. So, it’s important to understand that your non-parenting pals will not always pick up your calls or return your messages as fast as you’d like them to.

 

The important thing is that they make an effort to reach out as soon as possible.

 

Tip 5: Be interested in what’s happening in your friend’s life

When you’re a first-time mum, it’s so easy to try and make all conversations about your baby. And yes, your newborn is adorable, but sometimes you’ll have to stop making your child the headliner of all your stories.

 

If you want to nurture your old friendships after giving birth, then it’s crucial you show interest in your friend’s life. Make a point of asking them about their work, relationship, family?

 

Talk about something else that your child-free friend would contribute. Allow them to vent if they want to. 

 

Friendships after giving birth don’t have to be any different, but sometimes you might need to adjust your conversation topics so that your friends feel appreciated as well. 

Tip 5: Don’t make assumptions

As a new mum, it’s easy to make assumptions about your friends. You might think they don’t want to hang around you anymore because you’re now more focused on diapers, milk stains, and cracked nipples. 

 

You might even fear that they don’t want to invite you to places anymore because you’ve done something wrong. But that’s just your mind overthinking things.

 

If you had quality friendships before giving birth, then they’ll remain the same postpartum. Your pals will not automatically ditch you just because you have a child now. 

 

So, whenever you start thinking, “I bet they wouldn’t want to invite me to places because I’m not fun anymore,” know that’s low self-esteem and anxiety trying to kick in, and you need to stop it dead on its tracks.

 

The fact is that you’re still a fantastic person, and I bet your pals still think you’re fun even after witnessing you in your postpartum underwear.

 

Tip 6: Cancel plans early enough

If you’ve made plans with your friends and you’re sure you won’t be able to make it, let your pals know in advance.

 

It’s inconsiderate to have your pals arrive at a venue, spend hours waiting for you when you’re at home with zero plans of going out. Be considerate of your friends’ feelings and inform them that you won’t be able to make it.

 

You can send them a text the day before, or if something comes abruptly and you have to change your plans, kindly let them know instead of being a no-show. 

Tip 7: Be okay with your friends hanging out without you

You have a baby now who needs you pretty much all the time. And so, it is inevitable that your friends will have to hang out without you from time to time. 

 

And no, they’re not gossiping or trash-talking you.

 

The best way to maintain friendships is by understanding that your friends might not invite you to places because they know you won’t be able to make it. 

 

Let’s be honest, between being awake multiple times a night, dealing with sore nipples, back pain, and feeling fatigued most of the time. Do you have time to go for brunch with your girls every week?

 

Getting rid of the pressure to be present for all meetups will make it easy for you to enjoy postpartum without the stress of losing your friends. 

 

So, don’t feel jealous, angry, or bitter when you come across photos of your besties having fun without you. Instead, smash that like button on their photo, pick up the phone and have a group call. 

Tip 8: Some friendships will die a natural death. And that’s okay!

So, it happens that some friendships just drift apart after having children. That doesn’t mean that the relationship was toxic. It just shows that it wasn’t always what you thought it was.

 

These are the ones you should let go of because bringing resentment into the relationship only leads to stress and guilt.

 

At this point, you might be wondering, “How will I know if my friends aren’t right for me anymore?”

 

  • For starters, it’s usually when they start making you feel defensive about having a baby.
  • Secondly, they start being mean and insensitive about how you’ve changed after giving birth. If your pals constantly criticize your postpartum body, that’s a big red flag. Friends that can’t celebrate your new life, as much as you celebrate theirs, are the ones that should be let go. If anything, your pals should be helping you love your postpartum body not vice versa.
  • Thirdly, your interests have changed, and you can no longer keep up with your friends. If you feel like you’re trying so hard to fit in with your pals, or you have to forego your identity or dignity to blend in with your besties, then you need to cut those ties. 
  • And lastly, you’re the only one initiating all conversations and checking upon them. Friendship is a two-way street. There’s no way you can be the only one keeping your communication alive with zero effort from their side.
  •  

Remember: Friendships after giving birth don’t have to be exactly like before. And if they’re not – it’s okay! Friendships are like any other relationship – they’re about give and take, so don’t feel guilty when you can’t do both!

Child-free Friendships: 8 Tips on Maintaining Friendship After Having a Child

There you have it—8 tips on the best way to navigate friendships with your child-free friends after baby

 

 

Friendships after giving birth don’t have to be complicated if both sides are open about what they want. In as much as the dynamics of your relationship with your pals will change, and you won’t be as carefree as before, you can still have fun with your buddies. 

 

Ultimately, remember that your friends want the best for you, and they haven’t changed – you’re just seeing them differently. So don’t be afraid to reach out and let them know how much you miss them. 

 

I hope this article was helpful. 

 

Good luck, mama! If you need more advice on navigating motherhood, look at the blog for more insightful posts like this one.

 

What is your experience with maintaining friends after giving birth?

 

I’d love to know. Feel free to leave your comments in the section below.

Thank you for reading!

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